He only communicates via text messages or emails
We all know that guys hate talking on the phone, but if you’re never hearing the sound of his voice, that could spell trouble. “If I have hung out with a girl a few times and I’m still texting or emailing her, it’s just about sèx for me,”
says Jake, 28. Chalk it up to his lack of interest in talking with you —
and the ease of technology, a boon for lazy would-be players. He
doesn’t need to engage in a real conversation — a couple of words here,
an emoticon there, and he’s in touch with you with a bare minimum of
effort. Keeping his communiqués to emails and texts also allows him to
steer the conversation towards s*x, either subtly or overtly; he can be
more forward than he would be in person or over the phone since he won’t
have to deal with rejection directly.
He warns you that he’s not relationship material
Some guys inform girls about their disinterest in a relationship
early on with remarks like “I’m not ready for a serious relationship
yet.” It can be easy to think he’s just being honest and may eventually
come around after he’s gotten to know you. But don’t fall for it. “Some
guys always have excuses as to why they can’t take the relationship to
the next level,” says Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Marry Bitches: A
Woman’s Guide to Winning Her Man’s Heart. “But ‘not now’ means ‘not
ever.’” The upfront explanation makes it easier to break it off later.
“When I just want sèx from a woman, I drop hints that I can’t be
involved with her in a long-term relationship because my job is my
number one priority,” says Matt, 31. “Then, when I decide to stop seeing
her, I reference the fact that I said it wouldn’t work out early on.”
Bottom line: If he says he’s not boyfriend material, know that he means
it.
You’ve been to the same restaurant with him more than once in one month
Sure, he may say “It’s my favorite place,” “It’s our place,” or
that he’s been craving the eggplant parmesan. As sweet as that may seem,
his motives are likely not so romantic. A quality guy will put thought
and effort into each of your dates — but a guy who just wants sèx will
make the weekly Olive Garden dinner a preamble to taking you back to his
place (which just happens to be around the corner). Watch out if he
keeps meeting you in the same place and doesn’t vary from routine, Argov
warns. “He’s with you at the little Mexican place, but with another
girl at the Chinese place the next night and another girl at the sushi
place the night after that.” He needn’t pull out all the stops every
date, but beware night after night of the same thing. Says Argov, “A
player will go for what’s quick, convenient and cheap — just like his
intentions.”
He makes too many promises
It would be easy to avoid these guys if they said things like, “I
want you to come over and have sèx with me — and then disappear.”
Rather, guys try to woo you with what they think you want to hear. “If
all he wants is sèx, he’ll promise you things you haven’t even thought
of yet,” says Argov. “Men know that by talking about love, fabulous
exotic vacations, babies, houses with the white picket fences, women
will give up the goods. He’s fattening you up for the kill.” So if
there’s lots of talk of big future plans very early in your dates,
beware.
He only makes last-minute, late-night plans to see you
It seems obvious, but sometimes a guy can conceal the real
intentions behind a booty call by making it sound innocent enough,
citing how he’s working late or has dinner plans with friends — but that
he really wants to see you. Then comes the clincher: a line like, “Can
we meet for a quick drink, or maybe I could just stop by your place on
my way home?” Sure, a little impatient enthusiasm is flattering, but if
he’s truly into you, he’ll make plans in advance. Says Argov, “For the
guy who’s smitten, the anticipation of seeing the woman he likes is as
exciting to him as the date itself.”
He avoids getting-to-know-you talks
Everyone knows a relationship requires communication, especially at
the onset. It should stand to reason, then, that a guy who plans dates
that don’t give you a chance to talk to each other isn’t likely
interested in a relationship. Says Todd, 35, “With girls that I only
want to have sèx with, I go out to lots of movies — that way, I don’t
have to talk to them. Afterwards I can justify going home with them
since we did hang out and had an official date.” According to Mira
Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need To Know
Before You Commit, it should be apparent when a guy’s interested in
getting to know you. “He may also be sèxually attracted to you and want
to have sèx with you,” says Kirshenbaum, “but other things will have
equal weight, such as having conversations with you about topics that
you care about and interests you share.”
He’s pushy about getting physical
Some guys will say just about anything to get a woman to have s*x with him. Ever hear any of these lines?
“We’ll just cuddle.”
“You’re just so sèxy that I can’t help myself.”
“My underwear is chafing me.”
For the record: We hate just cuddling, we can help ourselves, and our underwear was fitting us just fine this morning.
He doesn’t introduce you to his friends
If you’ve been dating a month or more, and you still have seen
neither hide nor hair of any of his coworkers, acquaintances, siblings
or pals, he’s likely never going to bring you home to meet the parents.
“I’ll introduce girls I’m genuinely interested in to my guy-friends
within two to three weeks of dating,” Jake explains. “At that point I’m
feeling comfortable enough with her to see what my friends think.” Don’t
fret if you’ve passed the four-date mark and you haven’t yet met his
mom, though. “Some men won’t introduce you to their families, because
they’re embarrassed by them,” says Argov. Still, he should begin
integrating you into his life within the first few months of dating. If
not, it’s a sign that this guy’s into getting physical… and not much
else. Consider yourself well warned!
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